Christina Barrett
Sunday, December 2, 2012
My Whole Problem
Whenever I try to change my life, something happens.
I'll also add that it was really bad when I thought my life was an experiment, I was taken out of my major at a prestigious school and my grades were altered, and I was withdrawn from college. To be more specific, I went up to Washington, D.C., feeling like killed by the assistant dean at the school treating me racistly. Well, he wasn't white. They kept telling me to look up since I went to see people at 16. I was tired by the experiment and couldn't do the assignment. It was a 3 credit week long graduate course for working students. The teacher said I was doing very good, especially for my age, to my mom.
Then, I went up north during a hurricane. I could not succeed easily in any of the courses. I had problems with the 2 separate theory courses. I had been good at it, but I thought it was easy. The big problem was maybe theory, though the one teacher in private said I was really good. Anyway, the history teacher was nice, but I couldn't get myself to read and even if I was feeling good couldn't. When I went back to my other school, nothing in the religion was in the test. Also, in religion honors the year before, it was lecture and I took too many notes. That tells me I couldn't have succeeded in a lecture course I took in high school. I skimmed the chapter, and nothing was on the test, though I got a D. Of course, I was able to read some of this. I mean, I was a straight A student. I didn't get in Gifted right away but did in kindergarten, though I was called "retarded" then, my dad said. This was Northeastern Florida, a major city.
So, the 1st semester after the hurricane, there were workers outside of my dorm. I could not study! I was only in my dorm a few hours during the day. I took ballet at night and then came back..
The 2nd semester, I heard noises that made me want to kill myself. It never seemed to stop. I felt stuck in my dorm, kinda sick and dead.
We moved, and the 3rd semester was time to pick a new major. I did well in the lab courses but could not succeed with the Asian biology teacher. Chemistry was too complicated, too, you might say.. There is no Physics-Chemistry major. Chemistry is based more on Biology. There is even Physics in Biology. Biology is and was a big thing. I decided to go home, right away.
I know, in high school, I refused to get out of a certain course. I should have been forced but switched 2 other courses.
I couldn't get it to occur to me up north to Withdraw because I thought it would ruin my chances to have a W. I figured I'd get Medical Withdrawals and did. I just have a semester in Orlando where I could get Grade Forgiveness. It was just that I had to admit I wasn't good enough, after always technically getting the grades. I mean, what in the world does that mean? I thought just going along would not tell me there was a problem, and there was nothing I could do. I mean, I could have postponed the Withdrawals and lived in college, which I liked better but in ways didn't. I wasn't succeeding in any of my General Studies courses. They were more laborious than Honors. I couldn't keep up in non-Honors history. I wanted better education in high school and junior high, as well as in elementary school and preschool. I just figured it didn't make a difference. I had a nice dorm my 3rd semester. I guess the interesting thing to me was I thought it so happened I was at the top and the elevator broke.
I spent a lot of time walking around and buying food, so that was an issue. See, why am I not rich? That's been bored into my head. I could have been given more money for food, but why not? Now, I'm at home and still have a hard time. I can't get just anything I want. We are struggling to make ends meet, and the apartment had noise 24|7. I didn't even think to wear ear plugs and was lucky to have a loud fan. I didn't think to wear ear plugs that I remember much until I was 26. I felt so bad I just felt I should spend more time walking around and that college should fit. I was supposedly in an experiment and I was so mad it did not end. I think I grew tired. So, I was not encouraged to focus. So, it was hard, so I just took care of my body. Really. It wasn't my fault the school was so bad. I just hoped for the best, like my whole life thinking I'd finish my homework before midnight or 3 the next day, each day. If it ever happened, it was not many times, I think. This was since I was 12 or almost 12. I should have learned. I had such a hard time the 2nd semester of my 1st year but was glad to be out of some of the 1st year courses. It just feels my life was stolen from me, like I was bribed and made fun of for being bribed to. I feel people are hurting me for walking around campus for fun. I actually did it longer than I thought I could. I just needed it. I could not focus in my alotted study time nor in class.
I'll also add that it was really bad when I thought my life was an experiment, I was taken out of my major at a prestigious school and my grades were altered, and I was withdrawn from college. To be more specific, I went up to Washington, D.C., feeling like killed by the assistant dean at the school treating me racistly. Well, he wasn't white. They kept telling me to look up since I went to see people at 16. I was tired by the experiment and couldn't do the assignment. It was a 3 credit week long graduate course for working students. The teacher said I was doing very good, especially for my age, to my mom.
Then, I went up north during a hurricane. I could not succeed easily in any of the courses. I had problems with the 2 separate theory courses. I had been good at it, but I thought it was easy. The big problem was maybe theory, though the one teacher in private said I was really good. Anyway, the history teacher was nice, but I couldn't get myself to read and even if I was feeling good couldn't. When I went back to my other school, nothing in the religion was in the test. Also, in religion honors the year before, it was lecture and I took too many notes. That tells me I couldn't have succeeded in a lecture course I took in high school. I skimmed the chapter, and nothing was on the test, though I got a D. Of course, I was able to read some of this. I mean, I was a straight A student. I didn't get in Gifted right away but did in kindergarten, though I was called "retarded" then, my dad said. This was Northeastern Florida, a major city.
So, the 1st semester after the hurricane, there were workers outside of my dorm. I could not study! I was only in my dorm a few hours during the day. I took ballet at night and then came back..
The 2nd semester, I heard noises that made me want to kill myself. It never seemed to stop. I felt stuck in my dorm, kinda sick and dead.
We moved, and the 3rd semester was time to pick a new major. I did well in the lab courses but could not succeed with the Asian biology teacher. Chemistry was too complicated, too, you might say.. There is no Physics-Chemistry major. Chemistry is based more on Biology. There is even Physics in Biology. Biology is and was a big thing. I decided to go home, right away.
I know, in high school, I refused to get out of a certain course. I should have been forced but switched 2 other courses.
I couldn't get it to occur to me up north to Withdraw because I thought it would ruin my chances to have a W. I figured I'd get Medical Withdrawals and did. I just have a semester in Orlando where I could get Grade Forgiveness. It was just that I had to admit I wasn't good enough, after always technically getting the grades. I mean, what in the world does that mean? I thought just going along would not tell me there was a problem, and there was nothing I could do. I mean, I could have postponed the Withdrawals and lived in college, which I liked better but in ways didn't. I wasn't succeeding in any of my General Studies courses. They were more laborious than Honors. I couldn't keep up in non-Honors history. I wanted better education in high school and junior high, as well as in elementary school and preschool. I just figured it didn't make a difference. I had a nice dorm my 3rd semester. I guess the interesting thing to me was I thought it so happened I was at the top and the elevator broke.
I spent a lot of time walking around and buying food, so that was an issue. See, why am I not rich? That's been bored into my head. I could have been given more money for food, but why not? Now, I'm at home and still have a hard time. I can't get just anything I want. We are struggling to make ends meet, and the apartment had noise 24|7. I didn't even think to wear ear plugs and was lucky to have a loud fan. I didn't think to wear ear plugs that I remember much until I was 26. I felt so bad I just felt I should spend more time walking around and that college should fit. I was supposedly in an experiment and I was so mad it did not end. I think I grew tired. So, I was not encouraged to focus. So, it was hard, so I just took care of my body. Really. It wasn't my fault the school was so bad. I just hoped for the best, like my whole life thinking I'd finish my homework before midnight or 3 the next day, each day. If it ever happened, it was not many times, I think. This was since I was 12 or almost 12. I should have learned. I had such a hard time the 2nd semester of my 1st year but was glad to be out of some of the 1st year courses. It just feels my life was stolen from me, like I was bribed and made fun of for being bribed to. I feel people are hurting me for walking around campus for fun. I actually did it longer than I thought I could. I just needed it. I could not focus in my alotted study time nor in class.
Africans and Asians
Is it okay that Africans connect with you more than Asians? They claim they are inherently Asian...
Slight Aversion
You know how once in awhile it's okay to have something slightly adverse occur to you.
Poked At
Look, people won't stop kidding with me to be impressive. They keep overreacting to every little thing I do online and anything that passes my mind, somehow.
Something else basic you might want to know is people made me so mad with racism that I got so mad I didn't know what to do. I broke my laptop.
I'm mad. My dad keeps kidding with his messages. He was very threatening around me since the n word thing. I'm tired of Ellen DeGeneres also overreacting to little things but wouldn't care otherwise. Maybe, she's just like a disease or whatever you call those dangerous organisms. Virus. He's following the logic he thinks others really have and saying that if something bad happens it happens to others. When I ate at a restaurant, he made my stomach turn on in a bad way at a waitress. Later, after watching Ellen DeGeneres, it turned on and pumped a lot and I had an intense dream. Then, I felt like my stomach was filled with that. He was eyeing me like he "knew" how I felt, really in an evil way. Can you believe it? LISTEN TO ME! It's still like that. Also, I'm getting an influx of messages. Supposedly, my life is messed up, but I don't believe that. Since Tim Burton, I don't believe it. He thinks that at any moment someone will do something really suggestive to you and that if you're constantly in check this will have warded them off.
I don't care about Ellen DeGeneres following logic of others claiming she is great in the way she is. Oh no, I feel bad and just forgot what I was thinking. Well, why am I put up to watch her show, which I like, and then have to put up with experiencing her, as though "I 'don't deserve 'it.''" That's not "what" makes her "prestigious" and well-respected. The world is ruined since Johnny Depp. Especially Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm being treated like I need help in ways I don't. I'm being fun of for being poor.
Something else basic you might want to know is people made me so mad with racism that I got so mad I didn't know what to do. I broke my laptop.
I'm mad. My dad keeps kidding with his messages. He was very threatening around me since the n word thing. I'm tired of Ellen DeGeneres also overreacting to little things but wouldn't care otherwise. Maybe, she's just like a disease or whatever you call those dangerous organisms. Virus. He's following the logic he thinks others really have and saying that if something bad happens it happens to others. When I ate at a restaurant, he made my stomach turn on in a bad way at a waitress. Later, after watching Ellen DeGeneres, it turned on and pumped a lot and I had an intense dream. Then, I felt like my stomach was filled with that. He was eyeing me like he "knew" how I felt, really in an evil way. Can you believe it? LISTEN TO ME! It's still like that. Also, I'm getting an influx of messages. Supposedly, my life is messed up, but I don't believe that. Since Tim Burton, I don't believe it. He thinks that at any moment someone will do something really suggestive to you and that if you're constantly in check this will have warded them off.
I don't care about Ellen DeGeneres following logic of others claiming she is great in the way she is. Oh no, I feel bad and just forgot what I was thinking. Well, why am I put up to watch her show, which I like, and then have to put up with experiencing her, as though "I 'don't deserve 'it.''" That's not "what" makes her "prestigious" and well-respected. The world is ruined since Johnny Depp. Especially Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm being treated like I need help in ways I don't. I'm being fun of for being poor.
Dream
I dreamed I was in gymnastics class and I was hovering over a bar. Ellen DeGeneres was the teacher. Well, I was sorta sitting on it. It just gave me a nice fuzzy feeling like I wanted more.
Monitoring Your Attitude
So, I had an idea recently that you can't just be strict on others and not yourself.
So, I'm getting constant messages at the moment in retrospect to Ellen DeGeneres. She seems to sorta go by herself as a kid. I find it hard to connect because I found like only 2 cute pictures of me and 1 of them I can't find. I mean, I was never very ugly but never very cute. My features were more rounded. You could tell I wanted to look like blonde kids, with hair a little lighter than hers.
So, she acts so positive, but I don't think she really is, if these messages I'm getting are things she believes.
Well, it all started, I was sleeping and I got the message, like my mom closed the laundry door ... and it made me think my dad wanted to go to the gym after work. I feel I'm just being tested for "wanting" others to do things. I don't find my dad particularly sexy in many ways, though I can disclaim what you think this means. I feel instilled in me was hatred, like maybe I "just don't care about my dad really." I feel my life is being matched with his, and it's making me very mad. I'm the one who's being good and different, too. I put a message on Twitter for fun that if these people talked to my dad, they couldn't talk to me. I don't even remember which Twitter. I could definitely dig that up. I mean, Twitter is not necessarily something where I will change accounts in a timely manner. The other problem is he used to come home always at 6 or 6:30. I was really hungry.
I realized something else about Ellen DeGeneres. With the messages I'm getting, I realized she hurts you and acts like she didn't do it.
So, about my dad, I grew up kinda tired and malnutritioned but fed as a baby. It wasn't fun. I liked having a little Chic-Fil-A and Pina Colada. Why does everyone know about that? It feels like the whole world has known that for a long, long time. It was night, and we came home on a bus. However, I felt like I was just an ugly person with dull skin and hair. I wasn't much of a doer for some reason. I am so mad with how my mom equates me with my dad. I posted something online about her because I was feeling it, and it stopped the feeling. She's taking out anger on me, like people like my dad. Why did she do the laundry so late? I know I had mine there. I WILL NOT BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY DAD. He's been acting so gay since the n word thing. He's never got on with me when I tried, and people are "blaming" me, when you don't have to have such a relation with your dad. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY MOM? She's always been protective of me to my dad. She was being mean to me because of the n word thing. I could just **** apart anyone who does this even a little bit. I felt stimulated in my crotch in a way I do not like. I don't know why people get stimulated in certain areas. I just feel that's what everyone's doing. I know that certain areas are more stimulated.
So, I'm getting constant messages at the moment in retrospect to Ellen DeGeneres. She seems to sorta go by herself as a kid. I find it hard to connect because I found like only 2 cute pictures of me and 1 of them I can't find. I mean, I was never very ugly but never very cute. My features were more rounded. You could tell I wanted to look like blonde kids, with hair a little lighter than hers.
So, she acts so positive, but I don't think she really is, if these messages I'm getting are things she believes.
Well, it all started, I was sleeping and I got the message, like my mom closed the laundry door ... and it made me think my dad wanted to go to the gym after work. I feel I'm just being tested for "wanting" others to do things. I don't find my dad particularly sexy in many ways, though I can disclaim what you think this means. I feel instilled in me was hatred, like maybe I "just don't care about my dad really." I feel my life is being matched with his, and it's making me very mad. I'm the one who's being good and different, too. I put a message on Twitter for fun that if these people talked to my dad, they couldn't talk to me. I don't even remember which Twitter. I could definitely dig that up. I mean, Twitter is not necessarily something where I will change accounts in a timely manner. The other problem is he used to come home always at 6 or 6:30. I was really hungry.
I realized something else about Ellen DeGeneres. With the messages I'm getting, I realized she hurts you and acts like she didn't do it.
So, about my dad, I grew up kinda tired and malnutritioned but fed as a baby. It wasn't fun. I liked having a little Chic-Fil-A and Pina Colada. Why does everyone know about that? It feels like the whole world has known that for a long, long time. It was night, and we came home on a bus. However, I felt like I was just an ugly person with dull skin and hair. I wasn't much of a doer for some reason. I am so mad with how my mom equates me with my dad. I posted something online about her because I was feeling it, and it stopped the feeling. She's taking out anger on me, like people like my dad. Why did she do the laundry so late? I know I had mine there. I WILL NOT BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY DAD. He's been acting so gay since the n word thing. He's never got on with me when I tried, and people are "blaming" me, when you don't have to have such a relation with your dad. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY MOM? She's always been protective of me to my dad. She was being mean to me because of the n word thing. I could just **** apart anyone who does this even a little bit. I felt stimulated in my crotch in a way I do not like. I don't know why people get stimulated in certain areas. I just feel that's what everyone's doing. I know that certain areas are more stimulated.
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