Whenever I try to change my life, something happens.
I'll also add that it was really bad when I thought my life was an experiment, I was taken out of my major at a prestigious school and my grades were altered, and I was withdrawn from college. To be more specific, I went up to Washington, D.C., feeling like killed by the assistant dean at the school treating me racistly. Well, he wasn't white. They kept telling me to look up since I went to see people at 16. I was tired by the experiment and couldn't do the assignment. It was a 3 credit week long graduate course for working students. The teacher said I was doing very good, especially for my age, to my mom.
Then, I went up north during a hurricane. I could not succeed easily in any of the courses. I had problems with the 2 separate theory courses. I had been good at it, but I thought it was easy. The big problem was maybe theory, though the one teacher in private said I was really good. Anyway, the history teacher was nice, but I couldn't get myself to read and even if I was feeling good couldn't. When I went back to my other school, nothing in the religion was in the test. Also, in religion honors the year before, it was lecture and I took too many notes. That tells me I couldn't have succeeded in a lecture course I took in high school. I skimmed the chapter, and nothing was on the test, though I got a D. Of course, I was able to read some of this. I mean, I was a straight A student. I didn't get in Gifted right away but did in kindergarten, though I was called "retarded" then, my dad said. This was Northeastern Florida, a major city.
So, the 1st semester after the hurricane, there were workers outside of my dorm. I could not study! I was only in my dorm a few hours during the day. I took ballet at night and then came back..
The 2nd semester, I heard noises that made me want to kill myself. It never seemed to stop. I felt stuck in my dorm, kinda sick and dead.
We moved, and the 3rd semester was time to pick a new major. I did well in the lab courses but could not succeed with the Asian biology teacher. Chemistry was too complicated, too, you might say.. There is no Physics-Chemistry major. Chemistry is based more on Biology. There is even Physics in Biology. Biology is and was a big thing. I decided to go home, right away.
I know, in high school, I refused to get out of a certain course. I should have been forced but switched 2 other courses.
I couldn't get it to occur to me up north to Withdraw because I thought it would ruin my chances to have a W. I figured I'd get Medical Withdrawals and did. I just have a semester in Orlando where I could get Grade Forgiveness. It was just that I had to admit I wasn't good enough, after always technically getting the grades. I mean, what in the world does that mean? I thought just going along would not tell me there was a problem, and there was nothing I could do. I mean, I could have postponed the Withdrawals and lived in college, which I liked better but in ways didn't. I wasn't succeeding in any of my General Studies courses. They were more laborious than Honors. I couldn't keep up in non-Honors history. I wanted better education in high school and junior high, as well as in elementary school and preschool. I just figured it didn't make a difference. I had a nice dorm my 3rd semester. I guess the interesting thing to me was I thought it so happened I was at the top and the elevator broke.
I spent a lot of time walking around and buying food, so that was an issue. See, why am I not rich? That's been bored into my head. I could have been given more money for food, but why not? Now, I'm at home and still have a hard time. I can't get just anything I want. We are struggling to make ends meet, and the apartment had noise 24|7. I didn't even think to wear ear plugs and was lucky to have a loud fan. I didn't think to wear ear plugs that I remember much until I was 26. I felt so bad I just felt I should spend more time walking around and that college should fit. I was supposedly in an experiment and I was so mad it did not end. I think I grew tired. So, I was not encouraged to focus. So, it was hard, so I just took care of my body. Really. It wasn't my fault the school was so bad. I just hoped for the best, like my whole life thinking I'd finish my homework before midnight or 3 the next day, each day. If it ever happened, it was not many times, I think. This was since I was 12 or almost 12. I should have learned. I had such a hard time the 2nd semester of my 1st year but was glad to be out of some of the 1st year courses. It just feels my life was stolen from me, like I was bribed and made fun of for being bribed to. I feel people are hurting me for walking around campus for fun. I actually did it longer than I thought I could. I just needed it. I could not focus in my alotted study time nor in class.